Of Catchers and Butterflies

"... I didn't care though ... I felt so damn happy, 
if you want to know the truth. I don't know why..."
- The Catcher in the Rye, p213

"It's called the butterfly effect. 
You step on a few butterflies, 
and some time later, people die."
- Angela Petrelli (in Heroes)

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You see, there is a problem with this situation. We think we are going in the right decision. We think we are masters of ourselves. How so? Is there such thing as "Free Will?" What have I done over the years?

Look, here is me, a person that devotes to knowledge, math, and computers. A person that participates in no sports team because of not competent enough, which is due to lack of perseverance. A person that is socially inclined. Outcast. Defend vehemently against the superficial. A person, not even participating in any community service. What have I done?

There is always people around you that at least attempt to push you, help you, but I am just too ignorant to realize that fact. Is it planned? Am I destined this way anyways? Is it that I have just not enough free will to shape my day? There must be a reason why so many people are ignorant, moving on with life without knowing what lies ahead. There must be a reason why I stand here today. Rationality. Pursue of knowledge. The right path or the pitfall? For the very least there is something missing.

Why am I alone, feeling need of companionship? For these years why never has anything come? Some do come close, then go away. I rely on myself. Is myself reliable? Am I stepping on too many butterflies that I don't even know of?

Why so many people have a niche in sports? Community service? Clubs? Why not me? People stand up to do stuff. I should stand up as well. Problem is I don't have the ability. Is it truely too late? Me, 15 years old, too late? That's BS. Is this the problem? That I delve too much into my stuff that I alienated other important aspects and ability? That the achievements of other people in these area are slowly corroding away my fortress in this world? That I begin to shrink in importance and the fundamental layer I hold has begun to be attacked? If so then I need defense. I need to fight back. NOW.

There is still time.

再見了阿扁

「陳水扁、吳淑珍被判無期徒刑、褫奪公權終身，加起來的罰金高達五億元。 扁家4大案11日一審宣判，前總統陳水扁集六罪於一身重判無期徒刑，併科罰金2億元，禠奪公權終身」

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悲哀阿

別人 ( 國民黨上下 ) 拿那麼多錢沒事

不代表你只拿一點不會有事 !

你可是民進黨的阿

公權力在的時候國民黨不敢查

是因為你可以去挖他們的骷髏頭

用各種以前的種種案件抓他們

現在在國民黨開的法院裡面

你可不受保護阿

 

當然並不是完全都是扁的錯

很多時候錢是非得要拿得

三個人去殺人

你是最後一個拿刀的

你可以自命清高不跟著捅一刀嗎

你如果那樣的話，其他人絕對讓你不好過 !

貪污也是一樣阿

你如果不拿一點的話

人家會想盡辦法讓你不好過阿

人家都拿那麼多，改天被你抓怎麼辦 !



國民黨很聰明

控制了一堆媒體煽動人民

騙取選票

利用各種方法掩蓋馬英九的不是

告陳水扁告那麼久所以人家不會注意到馬的無能

想辦法高鐵、高捷雞蛋裡挑骨頭

弄黑民進黨

誰知道年輕的一代不懂歷史

不懂得以前各式各樣種種案件

全都被騙了 !



想想看

扁被判無期徒刑

還被罰那麼多錢

難道只是單純的法院審判嗎

難道不是因為國民黨自有的 agenda ?



民進黨趕快回來阿

台灣不能給國民黨做阿

台灣、中國是一邊一國 !

Objectivity, Subjectivity

For far too many issues in the world, there is considerable opinion and subjectivity involved. In these topics, every article, every speech, every book, no matter how objective it appears to be, is vulnerable to subjectivity. Because either side of the argument has substantial stance, the general public is susceptible to being easily swayed to frantically supporting a cause that is actually not substantiated as well as the opposite cause.

I am no different. This is like a modified version of a tug-o-war representing your opinion on the spectrum. Basically in the beginning, the first person to pull the rope (ie the first article/influence on the topic) pulls it the farthest. Then, as more and more people joins the war (ie as you read more, hear more - especially on both sides), the situation stabilizes. However, there is rarely a neutral position, not because necessarily one side is better (although that could be the case), but because summing up the knowledge acquired so far, the argument is more weighted towards one side - and this is also heavily skewed about the reading sequence.

For far too many times I surrendered to a compelling argument because of lack of knowledge to rebut. However, I do absolutely nothing to remedy or to learn save from admitting lost; in fact the reluctance to change (inertia) is so strong that I am standing on pretty much the same side as I did since I first hear about the issue unless glaringly bad holes surfaces. The problem is that I do not learn and read more; I simply do nothing about it and let it slip by.

It is not true that I do not read; in fact I do read - a lot. I am basically consumed in the thirst of knowledge that I cannot pull myself out of. This seems strange as most people cares lots more about other things - and yet my analytical skills are not better? I do believe that one should stand on a position - and firm - after extensive ongoing research because if one continues to be neutral (or really: oblivious) then one can never make a decision in life.

Why is there such a confusion? Why is there such uncertainty? Maybe I am keeping all this inside my head for far too long? I can satisfy my thirst for knowledge and understanding the world, but that would not be enough since I would spend all my time pondering around the fragments of memory and constantly skewing information. There is a need for other people. First step is understanding, second step is discussing - by pulling on more brain powers to collaboratively analyze the issue. I sincerely hope to understand the world more and be happier. Ignorance is not bliss because ignorance is impractical.

加拿大 - 有蚊子 !

繼承去年去山上小溪 ( Cowichan River) 划船 ( 小黑蚊 60+ 包 )
今年回花蓮快健 ( 小黑蚊 60 + 包 )

現在的學校

草原上怎麼有那麼多「大」蚊子阿
才不到一個小時
就被叮了 10 包了 > <

原來，加拿大那麼都市的地方也是有成群結隊的蚊子 !

夢 - 2

時間為 2 年後

地點為某個嘉年華會

那時，我新發明了一種很輕便的飛行器

當然沒人相信我可以飛

我又突然有事要回家

所以我就打算要飛回家

第一次發不動時，被笑得很慘

不過第二次我就在眾人圍觀之下飛走了

飛到一座山上時

我停了下來

那山上一塊岩石下好像有東西

我下去看時

好像就是一堆荒廢幾年的電子廢棄物

我拿了幾個盒子還有幾條線

想說回家再研究看看

結果

就當我要走時

我看到了一堆綠色碎片

拿起來一看

天阿 !

那可是一堆「迷你核子發電器」的廢料 !

絕對是我那個沒有公德心的自然老師幹得好事

我決定趕快拍照留紀錄

我在拍的時候，赫然發現了一堆變形螞蟻

怎麼變形呢

就是說，一般螞蟻的身體有三節

可是，變形螞蟻有四節 !

而且，看到那像是四個珠珠串起來了動物爬來爬去

嚇死我了

我拍完照後就飛回家了

我從二樓陽台進入我的房間

當我剛剛放下我的東西時

我轉頭一看

AAAAAHHHHHHH 是一條很大條的黃色的蛇 !

ㄟ其實不是

那不是蛇

那是

很大條的

一串黃色的球的

動物 !

就是像那個變形螞蟻一樣

不過大 100 倍

頭會身上來

而且是差不多有 10 節身體

牠沒有眼睛

可是我瞬間覺得牠好像在瞪我

這是要拍照起來的阿 !

我一慌就找不到相機了

所以就用手機拍了一下

閃光燈閃一下後

那「動物」就開口說話了 ( 雖然其實沒有嘴巴 )

「你是誰？」

「我 ... 我是我阿」

「你知道你剛剛幹了什麼好事嗎？看看你的手機！」

「阿阿阿阿阿！怎麼 ... 黃色小珠珠一直從手機冒出來 ...」

( 那時我已經嚇得全身冒冷汗了 )

「這下子你想要怎麼辦呢？」

「你這個混蛋！你是超級蠕蟲！你 ... 你 ... ㄍㄢ ...」

我當場頭暈目眩，然後倒在床上

我回復知覺時，我聽到有人按電鈴

我很想去開門

可是我動彈不得阿

然後我就驚醒了

時間為 4:45 am

我又做噩夢了 > <

夢

話說兩年後

第三次世界大戰展開

在 Vancouver 已經有很多人撤離了

我，因為某種原因還是留著的

我的新學校 St. George 因此跟我的舊學校 SMUS 合併

我也就回來 Victoria 和我以前的一群朋友相處

我們合起來叫做 The den group

偶然的我想到一個 idea

我們 10 個人一起組成了考察團

去了附近的一個無人島勘查

這麼 wild 的 idea 最後竟然通過 !

因此我們到達了島

那個島有點像迷你台灣

所以我們在「八通關」還有「能高山」設置了高山觀測站

然後在頭城、石梯坪、台東市設置平地觀測站

以兩人一組行動

早上 6:30 去觀測站做事

中午吃午餐後開會報告，然後幫忙煮水、撿柴、做生活必須工作

晚上就玩一玩開心一下

如果太陽能板充電充滿的話，就可以用電腦

這樣的生活，其實沒多久就結束了

因為

才沒幾天

有一天早上

八通關觀測站的我

看到了一架飛機過來了

那時我還不知道西雅圖已經淪陷

那架飛機噴灑了像是農藥或落葉劑的東西

起了超強又刺鼻的煙霧

我一慌

趕快拿著包包下山

只記得煙霧追來的恐懼

在與台東觀測站會合後

就馬上沿著沙灘往「花蓮市」，也就是緊急集合地跑

那裡遇到了一輛多功能運輸車 ( 也是船 )

就馬上問問可不可以載我們一起逃生

最後一個人上車後

我們就回學校了

因為懷疑白色氣體可能有參雜生化武器

所以當場隔離

不過發現無礙後

我們就回來報告了

然後我就醒了

善良、成長

「當你知道後，你就已經走上了不歸路。」

「是嗎？難到沒辦法了嗎？真的嗎？

　我不相信！

　我相信，這個世界是美好的。

　我決定，我要笑嘻嘻的活下去。

　這是我的決定；是任何人都無法阻止的！」

I protested defiantly, to the day of apocalypse.

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決定，還有意志力，這是非常奇妙的東西

個人是真得有決定的權利嗎？還是這根本是假像？

Free will ? Self-consciousness ? All an illusion ?

總覺得世界是無法改變的

命運是已經 set in stone 了

因為

不知道為什麼

自己好像都是 80% 被環境控制

可是

如果自己無法有足夠的意志力來決定事情

那麼活著還有什麼意義？

所謂的「生命意義」就是要能發揮功能

生命是只有使用權的

如果無法運用使用權來改變世界

那麼就是無意義的

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其實，我是很怕的

因為我太容易受環境的影響了

去 SMUS 讀兩年

怎麼會

被他們同化了

回來慈濟才發現

離開菩薩道太遠了

很想找回那善良的心

很想回到那種純真的心

而不是在成長時，被染黑了

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我決定，我要成為善良的人

我決定，我要成為快樂的人

我決定，我要走慈濟路

我決定，我還是不變的我

即使世界改變，我還是我，我還是會 be my self