07/14 回精舍的那天 ...
德悅師父：聽說你電腦很強 ? 台灣素食營養學會的網站是你做的 ?
我 ：還好吧，網站確實是我做的。
師父：像你這種人才一定要來營隊幫忙。
我 ：我 ? 營隊 ?
師父：就是快樂健康營阿，看你要參加幾梯，我先去問一下暘師父。
我 ：...
十分鐘後
師父：我已經拜託暘師父幫你插隊進去了，這可是難得的機會喔
師父：所以答應我在這裡學習之後要去廈門或是回加拿大帶營隊喔
我 ：讓我想想好了
師父：什麼想想，我看今天就不要回台北了，留下來好了
我 ：我還是回去拿行李和問媽媽一下吧
師父：好，要快去快回喔，最好明天就來 !
我 ：...
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這是第一次。好久沒有參與慈濟的團體了。
我總是覺得有那種奇妙的感覺 - 是每個人表現出來的向心力和意志力嗎?
來快健有那種不同的快樂 - 讓人好想一直留在那裏 ...
以前都是孤立奮戰，都沒有人能真的 push 我。
在快健...
我來快健是值得了。
好想念那裏的人喔
希望以後可以繼續回來精進 ( 雖然有這個想法是很恐怖的 ... )
also hope to write more.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Terminus
"Sire, we must change the modus operandi"
"But..."
"But but but ... but what? The truth is not your enemy!"
"..."
"Listen, It Has To Be Done. Ok?"
And then there was a flash of white light...
It was too late.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I am sorry to betray you all.
I am sorry to leave.
I feel guilty.
Because, I dug my own graveyard in a sense.
Nothing more can be said.
However, I shall hope for reunion.
After one year of absence
I shall attempt to resurrect and reunite.
Let us not terminate communication.
This is not the last call... yet.
"But..."
"But but but ... but what? The truth is not your enemy!"
"..."
"Listen, It Has To Be Done. Ok?"
And then there was a flash of white light...
It was too late.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I am sorry to betray you all.
I am sorry to leave.
I feel guilty.
Because, I dug my own graveyard in a sense.
Nothing more can be said.
However, I shall hope for reunion.
After one year of absence
I shall attempt to resurrect and reunite.
Let us not terminate communication.
This is not the last call... yet.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
What more do you want
"I want money. I want girls. I want friends." - A person in boarding (whose name I would rather not reveal)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you want? What more do you want? Stick with the status quo! (ironically reminding me of the movie Highschool Musical) Look at what you have, not what you want, or the world is not enough! Constantly living in a depressed mood is not good. Why? When you are the person that can make yourself happy, full of energy, positive, everything you could possibly want.
Just remember, 船到橋頭自然直. Don't worry about anything. Be happy!
Just one last note: you gotta let out what's wrong with you, you know. If you can't rationalize things yourself like I do myself, then you should let others help. Sometimes the most difficult tensions in your brain can be solved by a 3rd person in a blink. This is because your brain is unable to broaden thoughts due to the confined perception.
I have a lot of problems, but I rationalize them myselves to get rid of the tensions before I solve the problems for long term. I create a will to solve them. I create a positive environment, and when I need help rationalization, I ask my family, which is 100% transparent.
You can ask me. I'm always there for you. I do not want to see you suffer. I want everyone to be happy and well-lived, just as I consider I am.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you want? What more do you want? Stick with the status quo! (ironically reminding me of the movie Highschool Musical) Look at what you have, not what you want, or the world is not enough! Constantly living in a depressed mood is not good. Why? When you are the person that can make yourself happy, full of energy, positive, everything you could possibly want.
Just remember, 船到橋頭自然直. Don't worry about anything. Be happy!
Just one last note: you gotta let out what's wrong with you, you know. If you can't rationalize things yourself like I do myself, then you should let others help. Sometimes the most difficult tensions in your brain can be solved by a 3rd person in a blink. This is because your brain is unable to broaden thoughts due to the confined perception.
I have a lot of problems, but I rationalize them myselves to get rid of the tensions before I solve the problems for long term. I create a will to solve them. I create a positive environment, and when I need help rationalization, I ask my family, which is 100% transparent.
You can ask me. I'm always there for you. I do not want to see you suffer. I want everyone to be happy and well-lived, just as I consider I am.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Finale
"No matter what happens, I will stand tall. I will look at the world in the face and live life to the fullest extent, because nothing matters anymore. Everything is composed of blobs of energy"
---------------------------------------------------------------
Face it, I'm leaving. This event is life. Sometimes, the things you do, "it just has to be done." It's not bad to end the wonderful chapter of life in SMUS on a graceful period.
This is the time that you must venture into unknown waters, carrying the burden of family responsibility, as others have not quailed for once, to stand tall and face them. And you will remember, everything; everything you've done. You can be more. You will stand tall, and look at the world in the face. You write your own history, and it is the only way to live a happy life, for you will see what accomplishments you've made, and not regret what you did not do. I know you can.
Expand your territory. Conquer from your fortress, through confidence and rationality, and let not one single slip discourage you. Life is wonderful. Being alive and happy is itself justified for everything, and I repeat, EVERYTHING you do, EVERYTHING you will do, and EVERYTHING you can possibly do.
Live far and wide. Think universal, and be happy thereafter. For everything you have is enough to take you through the FINALE.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Face it, I'm leaving. This event is life. Sometimes, the things you do, "it just has to be done." It's not bad to end the wonderful chapter of life in SMUS on a graceful period.
This is the time that you must venture into unknown waters, carrying the burden of family responsibility, as others have not quailed for once, to stand tall and face them. And you will remember, everything; everything you've done. You can be more. You will stand tall, and look at the world in the face. You write your own history, and it is the only way to live a happy life, for you will see what accomplishments you've made, and not regret what you did not do. I know you can.
Expand your territory. Conquer from your fortress, through confidence and rationality, and let not one single slip discourage you. Life is wonderful. Being alive and happy is itself justified for everything, and I repeat, EVERYTHING you do, EVERYTHING you will do, and EVERYTHING you can possibly do.
Live far and wide. Think universal, and be happy thereafter. For everything you have is enough to take you through the FINALE.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Quandary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Jason, this is not Gr 8 anymore. You can't just sit there, read your books, and everything is going to be alright. You can do more. They (pointing to upstairs) are watching us - for one of us to step up. Yes, one of us. Not them, them, or them (pointing at our friendly neighbors). We can help each other."
- Frank (my roommate)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My roommate has claimed to attempt to "help me" in, say, school life and how I'm viewed socially. I also appreciated him and many others for pointing out my personality flaws and such. However, right now I'm torn in a dilemma between who I naturally am and who I'm supposed to be. Obviously stalling is easy, but it won't get you anywhere. The sooner I choose a path, the sooner I will reach my destiny, assuming it's a correct path.
For many months I've been criticized on being:
- Generally socially inept
Why?
- Lacking confidence and prolonged response when confronted w/ questions
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between joke and bully)
- EQ problems (angered easily)
- Not playing on any sports team
- Otaku (far from it actually)
- Book-worm (in fact I actually read very little book, but...)
- A follower, rather than a leader
- The person that punches first in an argument/joke/provocation
- Swears too much (as in 24/7)
- and the list goes on...
AND as part of the project to help me, I am supposed to overcome these problems over time. Why do they try to do this? They claimed they do this because they like me as a friend. I would like to believe it, but to this date I'm not sure if it is perfectly entirely 100% true. Their argument was that: if they don't like me, they will ignore me like the two Americans. The argument is sound. On the level, I clearly rest above them, how much? I am uncertain.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps I can reach a compromise, IF I can analyze carefully and not letting my emotions
cloud my judgment. I need to be as objective as possible.
Let's examine some of the points:
- Lacking confidence and prolonged imprecise response when confronted with certain questions
To a certain degree I can spew out a yes or no to that type of question easily. But what if the question is, say, "Who do you think is hot in Gr 9?" My response typically would be, "I have no real opinion." since I do not analyze girls. However, then, I would be bombarded with statements such as "either you are gay or you MUST have an opinion. If you don't have an opinion, then you like (insert name of some ugly girl her)?" My emotional panic sends me into an awkward state in which I speak in futility in response. I need thought to respond clearly and in reflection to my true position on a subject. However, the longer I take to think, the more people pick on me, and the more I get nervous, and I get into a vicious cycle that breaks off in a wave of frustration.
One of the underlying cause of this symptom is that through my short experience in life, I have been worried about the perception of me in people's eyes. It's not really "who I am" and "what I do" anymore. I'm really, thinking deeply, being shaped by the people around me, but that is another issue that will be discussed later. Anyways, I am worried that if I answer wrong, I would be ridiculed right into my face and wear the imaginary coat of shame throughout the day, and beyond, if I happen to experience through "a series of unfortunate events."
The irony is then, since I am worried about what people think if I answer wrong, by instinct, I would naturally spew out the "universal uncertainty answer" in which I give a neutral position that does not answer the question at all. As a slow learner socially, after all those months, I still haven't deployed the fact that the universal neutral position will inadvertently cause similar questions to be asked again and again because it is supposedly fun to ask me because I refuse to give a definite answer and then picking on me is also fun. This vicious cycle continues on.
Since this may be after all just an experience through high school and after the three years, will be totally gone as everybody matures, perhaps I can bare with it for a few more years? OR I could correct this fundamental problem once and for all by identifying and solving the underlying problems.
Thus, let's examine what the fundamental problems are: (a) I worry too much about my face, and (b) I have difficulty deciding when a neutral position shall be given and when a definitive opinion shall be given.
Perhaps, those problems will come back to hit me in life if I do not resolve them now, and that is the ultimate decision I have to make in regards to the original symptom.
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between a joke and an abuse)
Puppies A, B, and C play with each other. A bits, B, who bites back, and C bites both. Then they take a bigger bite. Oops it's starting to hurt. C has 2 choices, bites back equally hard, or exit the heated debate. It will depend on C's emotional management. Exiting the debate would be the better choice, but only comes with a good, calm mind.
It has been extremely easy and fun to pick on me because I have the inability to fight back. I have been known to get irritated quickly when, say, my frustration when playing a game is fueled by intentional picking.
People love picking on me, and they will do it no matter what. I don't do it. I don't appreciate it. It's childish and immature. I had wish that they would stop - for a long time already - like 9 years, and I'm finally just learning that changing my own behavior is much easier than attempting to police others'.
However, the real question comes to HOW to stop people from doing this, and quick too. To do this would require emotional training. The trick is to remain calm and unmoved. Like many cases, your mood should remain calm and rational no matter what situation you are in. Appear sturdy and unprovoked is the key - and do not respond to the people that is attempting to provoke you - they want attention.
At least that's what comes out of my mind right now.
Let's see if they actually work - time into clinical trials (jk).
"Jason, this is not Gr 8 anymore. You can't just sit there, read your books, and everything is going to be alright. You can do more. They (pointing to upstairs) are watching us - for one of us to step up. Yes, one of us. Not them, them, or them (pointing at our friendly neighbors). We can help each other."
- Frank (my roommate)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My roommate has claimed to attempt to "help me" in, say, school life and how I'm viewed socially. I also appreciated him and many others for pointing out my personality flaws and such. However, right now I'm torn in a dilemma between who I naturally am and who I'm supposed to be. Obviously stalling is easy, but it won't get you anywhere. The sooner I choose a path, the sooner I will reach my destiny, assuming it's a correct path.
For many months I've been criticized on being:
- Generally socially inept
Why?
- Lacking confidence and prolonged response when confronted w/ questions
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between joke and bully)
- EQ problems (angered easily)
- Not playing on any sports team
- Otaku (far from it actually)
- Book-worm (in fact I actually read very little book, but...)
- A follower, rather than a leader
- The person that punches first in an argument/joke/provocation
- Swears too much (as in 24/7)
- and the list goes on...
AND as part of the project to help me, I am supposed to overcome these problems over time. Why do they try to do this? They claimed they do this because they like me as a friend. I would like to believe it, but to this date I'm not sure if it is perfectly entirely 100% true. Their argument was that: if they don't like me, they will ignore me like the two Americans. The argument is sound. On the level, I clearly rest above them, how much? I am uncertain.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps I can reach a compromise, IF I can analyze carefully and not letting my emotions
cloud my judgment. I need to be as objective as possible.
Let's examine some of the points:
- Lacking confidence and prolonged imprecise response when confronted with certain questions
To a certain degree I can spew out a yes or no to that type of question easily. But what if the question is, say, "Who do you think is hot in Gr 9?" My response typically would be, "I have no real opinion." since I do not analyze girls. However, then, I would be bombarded with statements such as "either you are gay or you MUST have an opinion. If you don't have an opinion, then you like (insert name of some ugly girl her)?" My emotional panic sends me into an awkward state in which I speak in futility in response. I need thought to respond clearly and in reflection to my true position on a subject. However, the longer I take to think, the more people pick on me, and the more I get nervous, and I get into a vicious cycle that breaks off in a wave of frustration.
One of the underlying cause of this symptom is that through my short experience in life, I have been worried about the perception of me in people's eyes. It's not really "who I am" and "what I do" anymore. I'm really, thinking deeply, being shaped by the people around me, but that is another issue that will be discussed later. Anyways, I am worried that if I answer wrong, I would be ridiculed right into my face and wear the imaginary coat of shame throughout the day, and beyond, if I happen to experience through "a series of unfortunate events."
The irony is then, since I am worried about what people think if I answer wrong, by instinct, I would naturally spew out the "universal uncertainty answer" in which I give a neutral position that does not answer the question at all. As a slow learner socially, after all those months, I still haven't deployed the fact that the universal neutral position will inadvertently cause similar questions to be asked again and again because it is supposedly fun to ask me because I refuse to give a definite answer and then picking on me is also fun. This vicious cycle continues on.
Since this may be after all just an experience through high school and after the three years, will be totally gone as everybody matures, perhaps I can bare with it for a few more years? OR I could correct this fundamental problem once and for all by identifying and solving the underlying problems.
Thus, let's examine what the fundamental problems are: (a) I worry too much about my face, and (b) I have difficulty deciding when a neutral position shall be given and when a definitive opinion shall be given.
Perhaps, those problems will come back to hit me in life if I do not resolve them now, and that is the ultimate decision I have to make in regards to the original symptom.
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between a joke and an abuse)
Puppies A, B, and C play with each other. A bits, B, who bites back, and C bites both. Then they take a bigger bite. Oops it's starting to hurt. C has 2 choices, bites back equally hard, or exit the heated debate. It will depend on C's emotional management. Exiting the debate would be the better choice, but only comes with a good, calm mind.
It has been extremely easy and fun to pick on me because I have the inability to fight back. I have been known to get irritated quickly when, say, my frustration when playing a game is fueled by intentional picking.
People love picking on me, and they will do it no matter what. I don't do it. I don't appreciate it. It's childish and immature. I had wish that they would stop - for a long time already - like 9 years, and I'm finally just learning that changing my own behavior is much easier than attempting to police others'.
However, the real question comes to HOW to stop people from doing this, and quick too. To do this would require emotional training. The trick is to remain calm and unmoved. Like many cases, your mood should remain calm and rational no matter what situation you are in. Appear sturdy and unprovoked is the key - and do not respond to the people that is attempting to provoke you - they want attention.
At least that's what comes out of my mind right now.
Let's see if they actually work - time into clinical trials (jk).
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Quanta
------------------------------------------------------------------
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. Energy manifests into different forms.
Energy is matter, matter is energy.
Energy governs the world.
Energy is ... God??
- The Secret
------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to the world of quantum mechanics.
Law 1: The position and momentum of a particle cannot be measured with arbitrary accuracy.
In the macroscopic world, we could see where, say, a car is by looking (bouncing a light wave off) at it, or we could use radar. To determine the momentum, just measure position twice in 1 second, and we could calculate the momentum.
Not so in the quantum world.
Since a particle is point-like and extremely small, interaction - say using a photon to probe/interact with it, changes it instantaneously. We could use a photon to interact with it in order to determine its position, but the photon will give energy to the, say, electron, that will change its momentum. We could have the electron leave a path in a particle detector, which will show its momentum, but we could not determine its position at any specific time.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. Energy manifests into different forms.
Energy is matter, matter is energy.
Energy governs the world.
Energy is ... God??
- The Secret
------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to the world of quantum mechanics.
Law 1: The position and momentum of a particle cannot be measured with arbitrary accuracy.
In the macroscopic world, we could see where, say, a car is by looking (bouncing a light wave off) at it, or we could use radar. To determine the momentum, just measure position twice in 1 second, and we could calculate the momentum.
Not so in the quantum world.
Since a particle is point-like and extremely small, interaction - say using a photon to probe/interact with it, changes it instantaneously. We could use a photon to interact with it in order to determine its position, but the photon will give energy to the, say, electron, that will change its momentum. We could have the electron leave a path in a particle detector, which will show its momentum, but we could not determine its position at any specific time.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Genesis
At a glance.
"Humans are terrestrial creatures created in the incredibly pleasurable process sexual reproductive process in which the sperm and the egg join to morph into a zygote that will then..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the heck of it. Here is my perception of life.
Each and one of us are electrically wired through neurons, analytical to a computer. There exists a powerful master program, in which through experience in life, collects information and observation, piece them together, and provide the basis for body actions. This is named the "soul."
For far too often, inexplicable phenomenons dictate an object not defined by current standards of science. There is a missing gap.
Who am I?
One would answer "I am _(insert name here)_."
That, however, would not have answered the question at all. At a colloquial level, the question "who are you" denotes an inquiry regarding the name of the subject and any information related, such as the occupation, social status, knowledge, experience, and personality. That would be the ways in society in which humans are identified. Although personality would be a tad more profound than other superfluous features such as facial characteristics, personality does not define a person, nor does the knowledge and the experience that that person has acquired.
We are not defined by our DNA either. We *could* be, however, identified by it. The definition of a particular human goes a little deeper. We are largely influenced by the environment around us. After all, our brain analyzes the world around us, bit by bit, over time. We figured out how to speak, how to control our body, how to think, how to do everything we do. There is another equally influential element - that is our soul. Born in exactly equal environments, because of different souls, two person can be completely different.
For example, how is it that some people indulge in certain activities while others react indifferently. That could range from an innocuous child ripping a piece of paper apart, to people sleeping around with various girls (potentially practicing polygamy), to the enjoyment of stabbing someone in the heart. All these lustful thinking. Why Why? What's the mechanism for all this?
"Humans are terrestrial creatures created in the incredibly pleasurable process sexual reproductive process in which the sperm and the egg join to morph into a zygote that will then..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the heck of it. Here is my perception of life.
Each and one of us are electrically wired through neurons, analytical to a computer. There exists a powerful master program, in which through experience in life, collects information and observation, piece them together, and provide the basis for body actions. This is named the "soul."
For far too often, inexplicable phenomenons dictate an object not defined by current standards of science. There is a missing gap.
Who am I?
One would answer "I am _(insert name here)_."
That, however, would not have answered the question at all. At a colloquial level, the question "who are you" denotes an inquiry regarding the name of the subject and any information related, such as the occupation, social status, knowledge, experience, and personality. That would be the ways in society in which humans are identified. Although personality would be a tad more profound than other superfluous features such as facial characteristics, personality does not define a person, nor does the knowledge and the experience that that person has acquired.
We are not defined by our DNA either. We *could* be, however, identified by it. The definition of a particular human goes a little deeper. We are largely influenced by the environment around us. After all, our brain analyzes the world around us, bit by bit, over time. We figured out how to speak, how to control our body, how to think, how to do everything we do. There is another equally influential element - that is our soul. Born in exactly equal environments, because of different souls, two person can be completely different.
For example, how is it that some people indulge in certain activities while others react indifferently. That could range from an innocuous child ripping a piece of paper apart, to people sleeping around with various girls (potentially practicing polygamy), to the enjoyment of stabbing someone in the heart. All these lustful thinking. Why Why? What's the mechanism for all this?
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