There is a problem.
You propose a solution.
You examine the solution carefully
to ensure high probability of success.
Then you implement the solution in a plan.
Then you follow the plan diligently.
Simple as that.
Things will change now.
For even to this day,
I have not unleashed the true power.
Instead, through neglect, exacerbating the inadequacy,
Qualifying magnitude of sucess,
Botching results worked so hard on,
Allowing others to surpass.
And I will succeed.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Of Deleterious Results
Occam's Razor - absent of external information,
one should choose the option with the least number of assumptions
"Those who go aborrowing, go asorrowing" - Roughing it in a Bush
The one ahead in the race "feels" easier?
What if Confederation was not achieved?
What if the world is just slightly cooler?
What if I was still grade 3?
What if I had known?
What if I was mature enough?
What if there is more time?
Stop daydreaming, get on writing that essay!
Exam - 30 mins left!
------------------------------------------------------------------
In fact, confederation is essentially a pact. Without a pact, it could not live. For humanity sake, unilateral "Act" of any significant effect cannot and does not survive.
That journey is the prize? Define journey: the process, Define prize: the most rewarding, most valuable entity. Journey is the prize then.
To lend or not to lend? That is the question. Humans have developed altruism simply because cooperation in an probabilistic and sufficiently long run is better than selfishness. That does not, however, mean that local abnormalities are overridden. It's not as simple as an operator overload. Even that has problems.
one should choose the option with the least number of assumptions
"Those who go aborrowing, go asorrowing" - Roughing it in a Bush
The one ahead in the race "feels" easier?
What if Confederation was not achieved?
What if the world is just slightly cooler?
What if I was still grade 3?
What if I had known?
What if I was mature enough?
What if there is more time?
Stop daydreaming, get on writing that essay!
Exam - 30 mins left!
------------------------------------------------------------------
In fact, confederation is essentially a pact. Without a pact, it could not live. For humanity sake, unilateral "Act" of any significant effect cannot and does not survive.
That journey is the prize? Define journey: the process, Define prize: the most rewarding, most valuable entity. Journey is the prize then.
To lend or not to lend? That is the question. Humans have developed altruism simply because cooperation in an probabilistic and sufficiently long run is better than selfishness. That does not, however, mean that local abnormalities are overridden. It's not as simple as an operator overload. Even that has problems.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Exchange
From: me
To: <The Old Coalition>
Subject: In response to various inquiries.
Mailed-by: gmail.com
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Heh so Victor slipped away from his high standards? How COULD he...
I'm sure the short stories aren't that hard though. Support your BS-ed theme/blah with quotes and voila, you pass.
But I guess it's the kind of things that either you get it or you don't.
New boarders? Yes I've heard about them (not from you). Don't know much though, but apparently aren't too good.
Math is always easy for me. I can sleep through all classes and get close to perfect. It's not like I'm learning anything new.
Even Math 12 is nothing new really; you slowly learn everything over time, and when you get in, you already know it all.
As for here... there aren't really much going on though.
English is definitely different - nothing could beat Ms. Fraser's rants. I actually somehow miss those. Here it just simply expects you to know everything. But then we are reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime" again in 2nd term. There are also some random useless grammar practices - I'm sure I don't need that, but if it gets me more marks, then why not?
Science: chem 10 is simple, really.
Socials - like we never really learn anything in class and are supposed to learn everything ourselves from the textbook, and random quizzes pop up where the teacher never talked about the material. There are also annoying long historical documents and essays to read. It's easy though, just do the work and 100% comes.
Math... it's easy. However, the math teachers here are either incompetent or hostile to me. The ones that are nice, can't do anything. The ones that are good (ie BC calc teacher) refuses to answer or give advice on my questions, like I'm intruding their life or something.
I'm also taking Japanese, which is really easy, since you practically learn nothing. I'm taking AP Computer Science. It's easy for me anyways. And at last there is PE. It's easier to get marks though, or as far as I can tell.
There is also other annoyances around here.
The desk in my boarding room, for example, is so small that you can't put anything else beside a desk lamp and a laptop.
The laundry service is awful - some commercial place that produces weird-smelling clothes - and you don't have access to laundry machines inside the house, and worst of all, it takes 2-3 days. They also hire cleaning staff to wash your bed sheets and clean your room for you. Sounds a lot like baby-sitting. Even then my roommate's stuff generates smell (or his armpit stench when he comes back from whatever sports he was doing) and I end up having to deal with it.
For prep, there aren't any libraries or computer labs to go to - you have to stay in your room working on that minuscule desk with a bunch of people distracting you, say from next door. AND we have house meetings every single day, wasting our time. The house parents are not as nice, don't care about anything, and ruthlessly screw people around.
The people here... *sigh* too many Chinese around. The house is full of them - rich Chinese kids - some of them are nice, but some of them racist towards Taiwanese. In whatever situation, I refuse to allow erosion of my nationality. Plus I hate Beijing accent. There is also some annoying white kids.
As a result of all these, I go home every weekend. Guess what? Nobody is every at home either. It's a hassle. And to conserve my financial budget, I cook every single meal. I also do all my laundry as I've always done before. PLUS I have home management responsibilities.
The school building is also convoluted as well. They try to cram everything - gym, swimming pool, 30 or so classrooms, office, cafeteria - into a single place. As a result, it's a great maze that is time consuming to move around, especially if your locker is on one end and the cafeteria is on the other. Also you have to wear blazers 3 days a week and have stupid long assemblies.
That's enough complaining. There is plenty more problems around, plus that it's a school full of boys and only boys.
I guess it's training. Every time I get used to one place, I am pulled out and unwillingly switched into another. Since the start of the year, almost every plan has been failing, despite giving 2x necessary time. I just want to rest and not having to be forced to do A, B, C, D, E, and get frustrated when failing to have enough motivation to do them. THIS challenge is the ONLY advantage I could think of for moving to St. George's, which otherwise is a totally useless, time-wasting decision (btw, previous family conditions don't apply - they've changed).
To: <The Old Coalition>
Subject: In response to various inquiries.
Mailed-by: gmail.com
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Heh so Victor slipped away from his high standards? How COULD he...
I'm sure the short stories aren't that hard though. Support your BS-ed theme/blah with quotes and voila, you pass.
But I guess it's the kind of things that either you get it or you don't.
New boarders? Yes I've heard about them (not from you). Don't know much though, but apparently aren't too good.
Math is always easy for me. I can sleep through all classes and get close to perfect. It's not like I'm learning anything new.
Even Math 12 is nothing new really; you slowly learn everything over time, and when you get in, you already know it all.
As for here... there aren't really much going on though.
English is definitely different - nothing could beat Ms. Fraser's rants. I actually somehow miss those. Here it just simply expects you to know everything. But then we are reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime" again in 2nd term. There are also some random useless grammar practices - I'm sure I don't need that, but if it gets me more marks, then why not?
Science: chem 10 is simple, really.
Socials - like we never really learn anything in class and are supposed to learn everything ourselves from the textbook, and random quizzes pop up where the teacher never talked about the material. There are also annoying long historical documents and essays to read. It's easy though, just do the work and 100% comes.
Math... it's easy. However, the math teachers here are either incompetent or hostile to me. The ones that are nice, can't do anything. The ones that are good (ie BC calc teacher) refuses to answer or give advice on my questions, like I'm intruding their life or something.
I'm also taking Japanese, which is really easy, since you practically learn nothing. I'm taking AP Computer Science. It's easy for me anyways. And at last there is PE. It's easier to get marks though, or as far as I can tell.
There is also other annoyances around here.
The desk in my boarding room, for example, is so small that you can't put anything else beside a desk lamp and a laptop.
The laundry service is awful - some commercial place that produces weird-smelling clothes - and you don't have access to laundry machines inside the house, and worst of all, it takes 2-3 days. They also hire cleaning staff to wash your bed sheets and clean your room for you. Sounds a lot like baby-sitting. Even then my roommate's stuff generates smell (or his armpit stench when he comes back from whatever sports he was doing) and I end up having to deal with it.
For prep, there aren't any libraries or computer labs to go to - you have to stay in your room working on that minuscule desk with a bunch of people distracting you, say from next door. AND we have house meetings every single day, wasting our time. The house parents are not as nice, don't care about anything, and ruthlessly screw people around.
The people here... *sigh* too many Chinese around. The house is full of them - rich Chinese kids - some of them are nice, but some of them racist towards Taiwanese. In whatever situation, I refuse to allow erosion of my nationality. Plus I hate Beijing accent. There is also some annoying white kids.
As a result of all these, I go home every weekend. Guess what? Nobody is every at home either. It's a hassle. And to conserve my financial budget, I cook every single meal. I also do all my laundry as I've always done before. PLUS I have home management responsibilities.
The school building is also convoluted as well. They try to cram everything - gym, swimming pool, 30 or so classrooms, office, cafeteria - into a single place. As a result, it's a great maze that is time consuming to move around, especially if your locker is on one end and the cafeteria is on the other. Also you have to wear blazers 3 days a week and have stupid long assemblies.
That's enough complaining. There is plenty more problems around, plus that it's a school full of boys and only boys.
I guess it's training. Every time I get used to one place, I am pulled out and unwillingly switched into another. Since the start of the year, almost every plan has been failing, despite giving 2x necessary time. I just want to rest and not having to be forced to do A, B, C, D, E, and get frustrated when failing to have enough motivation to do them. THIS challenge is the ONLY advantage I could think of for moving to St. George's, which otherwise is a totally useless, time-wasting decision (btw, previous family conditions don't apply - they've changed).
Friday, October 30, 2009
Continuous Everywhere, Differentiable Nowhere
------------------------------------------------------------
It's been a while, or it seems like a while.
In fact, time seems to pass by rather quickly.
One month of experiment puts everything back to the drawing board.
No, sir. The fundamental problem so loathed by all of us still exists, under the abyssal weight of various masks, responsibilities, attempts of burial, and the worst of all - the sheer complexity.
For far too long, the regimen proved unsuccessful. There was no purpose, no motivation, and no action. Or rather, arbitrary plans that does not seem to go anywhere. It was changing everyday, failing in every conceivable way, and crippled to the point of sheer inefficiency. Events happen at a speed such that it is impossible to discern the problems without begetting new problems through the delays, until now.
Now, to put aside the attempts of burial, dig up all the skeletons, analyze, and clear the blockade ahead.
Happy Halloween.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Of Catchers and Butterflies
"... I didn't care though ... I felt so damn happy,
if you want to know the truth. I don't know why..."
- The Catcher in the Rye, p213
"It's called the butterfly effect.
You step on a few butterflies,
and some time later, people die."
- Angela Petrelli (in Heroes)
------------------------------------------------------------
You see, there is a problem with this situation. We think we are going in the right decision. We think we are masters of ourselves. How so? Is there such thing as "Free Will?" What have I done over the years?
Look, here is me, a person that devotes to knowledge, math, and computers. A person that participates in no sports team because of not competent enough, which is due to lack of perseverance. A person that is socially inclined. Outcast. Defend vehemently against the superficial. A person, not even participating in any community service. What have I done?
There is always people around you that at least attempt to push you, help you, but I am just too ignorant to realize that fact. Is it planned? Am I destined this way anyways? Is it that I have just not enough free will to shape my day? There must be a reason why so many people are ignorant, moving on with life without knowing what lies ahead. There must be a reason why I stand here today. Rationality. Pursue of knowledge. The right path or the pitfall? For the very least there is something missing.
Why am I alone, feeling need of companionship? For these years why never has anything come? Some do come close, then go away. I rely on myself. Is myself reliable? Am I stepping on too many butterflies that I don't even know of?
Why so many people have a niche in sports? Community service? Clubs? Why not me? People stand up to do stuff. I should stand up as well. Problem is I don't have the ability. Is it truely too late? Me, 15 years old, too late? That's BS. Is this the problem? That I delve too much into my stuff that I alienated other important aspects and ability? That the achievements of other people in these area are slowly corroding away my fortress in this world? That I begin to shrink in importance and the fundamental layer I hold has begun to be attacked? If so then I need defense. I need to fight back. NOW.
There is still time.
if you want to know the truth. I don't know why..."
- The Catcher in the Rye, p213
"It's called the butterfly effect.
You step on a few butterflies,
and some time later, people die."
- Angela Petrelli (in Heroes)
------------------------------------------------------------
You see, there is a problem with this situation. We think we are going in the right decision. We think we are masters of ourselves. How so? Is there such thing as "Free Will?" What have I done over the years?
Look, here is me, a person that devotes to knowledge, math, and computers. A person that participates in no sports team because of not competent enough, which is due to lack of perseverance. A person that is socially inclined. Outcast. Defend vehemently against the superficial. A person, not even participating in any community service. What have I done?
There is always people around you that at least attempt to push you, help you, but I am just too ignorant to realize that fact. Is it planned? Am I destined this way anyways? Is it that I have just not enough free will to shape my day? There must be a reason why so many people are ignorant, moving on with life without knowing what lies ahead. There must be a reason why I stand here today. Rationality. Pursue of knowledge. The right path or the pitfall? For the very least there is something missing.
Why am I alone, feeling need of companionship? For these years why never has anything come? Some do come close, then go away. I rely on myself. Is myself reliable? Am I stepping on too many butterflies that I don't even know of?
Why so many people have a niche in sports? Community service? Clubs? Why not me? People stand up to do stuff. I should stand up as well. Problem is I don't have the ability. Is it truely too late? Me, 15 years old, too late? That's BS. Is this the problem? That I delve too much into my stuff that I alienated other important aspects and ability? That the achievements of other people in these area are slowly corroding away my fortress in this world? That I begin to shrink in importance and the fundamental layer I hold has begun to be attacked? If so then I need defense. I need to fight back. NOW.
There is still time.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
再見了阿扁
「陳水扁、吳淑珍被判無期徒刑、褫奪公權終身，加起來的罰金高達五億元。 扁家4大案11日一審宣判，前總統陳水扁集六罪於一身重判無期徒刑，併科罰金2億元，禠奪公權終身」
----------------------------------------------------------------
悲哀阿
別人 ( 國民黨上下 ) 拿那麼多錢沒事
不代表你只拿一點不會有事 !
你可是民進黨的阿
公權力在的時候國民黨不敢查
是因為你可以去挖他們的骷髏頭
用各種以前的種種案件抓他們
現在在國民黨開的法院裡面
你可不受保護阿
當然並不是完全都是扁的錯
很多時候錢是非得要拿得
三個人去殺人
你是最後一個拿刀的
你可以自命清高不跟著捅一刀嗎
你如果那樣的話，其他人絕對讓你不好過 !
貪污也是一樣阿
你如果不拿一點的話
人家會想盡辦法讓你不好過阿
人家都拿那麼多，改天被你抓怎麼辦 !
國民黨很聰明
控制了一堆媒體煽動人民
騙取選票
利用各種方法掩蓋馬英九的不是
告陳水扁告那麼久所以人家不會注意到馬的無能
想辦法高鐵、高捷雞蛋裡挑骨頭
弄黑民進黨
誰知道年輕的一代不懂歷史
不懂得以前各式各樣種種案件
全都被騙了 !
想想看
扁被判無期徒刑
還被罰那麼多錢
難道只是單純的法院審判嗎
難道不是因為國民黨自有的 agenda ?
民進黨趕快回來阿
台灣不能給國民黨做阿
台灣、中國是一邊一國 !
----------------------------------------------------------------
悲哀阿
別人 ( 國民黨上下 ) 拿那麼多錢沒事
不代表你只拿一點不會有事 !
你可是民進黨的阿
公權力在的時候國民黨不敢查
是因為你可以去挖他們的骷髏頭
用各種以前的種種案件抓他們
現在在國民黨開的法院裡面
你可不受保護阿
當然並不是完全都是扁的錯
很多時候錢是非得要拿得
三個人去殺人
你是最後一個拿刀的
你可以自命清高不跟著捅一刀嗎
你如果那樣的話，其他人絕對讓你不好過 !
貪污也是一樣阿
你如果不拿一點的話
人家會想盡辦法讓你不好過阿
人家都拿那麼多，改天被你抓怎麼辦 !
國民黨很聰明
控制了一堆媒體煽動人民
騙取選票
利用各種方法掩蓋馬英九的不是
告陳水扁告那麼久所以人家不會注意到馬的無能
想辦法高鐵、高捷雞蛋裡挑骨頭
弄黑民進黨
誰知道年輕的一代不懂歷史
不懂得以前各式各樣種種案件
全都被騙了 !
想想看
扁被判無期徒刑
還被罰那麼多錢
難道只是單純的法院審判嗎
難道不是因為國民黨自有的 agenda ?
民進黨趕快回來阿
台灣不能給國民黨做阿
台灣、中國是一邊一國 !
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Objectivity, Subjectivity
For far too many issues in the world, there is considerable opinion and subjectivity involved. In these topics, every article, every speech, every book, no matter how objective it appears to be, is vulnerable to subjectivity. Because either side of the argument has substantial stance, the general public is susceptible to being easily swayed to frantically supporting a cause that is actually not substantiated as well as the opposite cause.
I am no different. This is like a modified version of a tug-o-war representing your opinion on the spectrum. Basically in the beginning, the first person to pull the rope (ie the first article/influence on the topic) pulls it the farthest. Then, as more and more people joins the war (ie as you read more, hear more - especially on both sides), the situation stabilizes. However, there is rarely a neutral position, not because necessarily one side is better (although that could be the case), but because summing up the knowledge acquired so far, the argument is more weighted towards one side - and this is also heavily skewed about the reading sequence.
For far too many times I surrendered to a compelling argument because of lack of knowledge to rebut. However, I do absolutely nothing to remedy or to learn save from admitting lost; in fact the reluctance to change (inertia) is so strong that I am standing on pretty much the same side as I did since I first hear about the issue unless glaringly bad holes surfaces. The problem is that I do not learn and read more; I simply do nothing about it and let it slip by.
It is not true that I do not read; in fact I do read - a lot. I am basically consumed in the thirst of knowledge that I cannot pull myself out of. This seems strange as most people cares lots more about other things - and yet my analytical skills are not better? I do believe that one should stand on a position - and firm - after extensive ongoing research because if one continues to be neutral (or really: oblivious) then one can never make a decision in life.
Why is there such a confusion? Why is there such uncertainty? Maybe I am keeping all this inside my head for far too long? I can satisfy my thirst for knowledge and understanding the world, but that would not be enough since I would spend all my time pondering around the fragments of memory and constantly skewing information. There is a need for other people. First step is understanding, second step is discussing - by pulling on more brain powers to collaboratively analyze the issue. I sincerely hope to understand the world more and be happier. Ignorance is not bliss because ignorance is impractical.
I am no different. This is like a modified version of a tug-o-war representing your opinion on the spectrum. Basically in the beginning, the first person to pull the rope (ie the first article/influence on the topic) pulls it the farthest. Then, as more and more people joins the war (ie as you read more, hear more - especially on both sides), the situation stabilizes. However, there is rarely a neutral position, not because necessarily one side is better (although that could be the case), but because summing up the knowledge acquired so far, the argument is more weighted towards one side - and this is also heavily skewed about the reading sequence.
For far too many times I surrendered to a compelling argument because of lack of knowledge to rebut. However, I do absolutely nothing to remedy or to learn save from admitting lost; in fact the reluctance to change (inertia) is so strong that I am standing on pretty much the same side as I did since I first hear about the issue unless glaringly bad holes surfaces. The problem is that I do not learn and read more; I simply do nothing about it and let it slip by.
It is not true that I do not read; in fact I do read - a lot. I am basically consumed in the thirst of knowledge that I cannot pull myself out of. This seems strange as most people cares lots more about other things - and yet my analytical skills are not better? I do believe that one should stand on a position - and firm - after extensive ongoing research because if one continues to be neutral (or really: oblivious) then one can never make a decision in life.
Why is there such a confusion? Why is there such uncertainty? Maybe I am keeping all this inside my head for far too long? I can satisfy my thirst for knowledge and understanding the world, but that would not be enough since I would spend all my time pondering around the fragments of memory and constantly skewing information. There is a need for other people. First step is understanding, second step is discussing - by pulling on more brain powers to collaboratively analyze the issue. I sincerely hope to understand the world more and be happier. Ignorance is not bliss because ignorance is impractical.
加拿大 - 有蚊子 !
繼承去年去山上小溪 ( Cowichan River) 划船 ( 小黑蚊 60+ 包 )
今年回花蓮快健 ( 小黑蚊 60 + 包 )
現在的學校
草原上怎麼有那麼多「大」蚊子阿
才不到一個小時
就被叮了 10 包了 > <
原來，加拿大那麼都市的地方也是有成群結隊的蚊子 !
今年回花蓮快健 ( 小黑蚊 60 + 包 )
現在的學校
草原上怎麼有那麼多「大」蚊子阿
才不到一個小時
就被叮了 10 包了 > <
原來，加拿大那麼都市的地方也是有成群結隊的蚊子 !
Monday, August 31, 2009
夢 - 2
時間為 2 年後
地點為某個嘉年華會
那時，我新發明了一種很輕便的飛行器
當然沒人相信我可以飛
我又突然有事要回家
所以我就打算要飛回家
第一次發不動時，被笑得很慘
不過第二次我就在眾人圍觀之下飛走了
飛到一座山上時
我停了下來
那山上一塊岩石下好像有東西
我下去看時
好像就是一堆荒廢幾年的電子廢棄物
我拿了幾個盒子還有幾條線
想說回家再研究看看
結果
就當我要走時
我看到了一堆綠色碎片
拿起來一看
天阿 !
那可是一堆「迷你核子發電器」的廢料 !
絕對是我那個沒有公德心的自然老師幹得好事
我決定趕快拍照留紀錄
我在拍的時候，赫然發現了一堆變形螞蟻
怎麼變形呢
就是說，一般螞蟻的身體有三節
可是，變形螞蟻有四節 !
而且，看到那像是四個珠珠串起來了動物爬來爬去
嚇死我了
我拍完照後就飛回家了
我從二樓陽台進入我的房間
當我剛剛放下我的東西時
我轉頭一看
AAAAAHHHHHHH 是一條很大條的黃色的蛇 !
ㄟ其實不是
那不是蛇
那是
很大條的
一串黃色的球的
動物 !
就是像那個變形螞蟻一樣
不過大 100 倍
頭會身上來
而且是差不多有 10 節身體
牠沒有眼睛
可是我瞬間覺得牠好像在瞪我
這是要拍照起來的阿 !
我一慌就找不到相機了
所以就用手機拍了一下
閃光燈閃一下後
那「動物」就開口說話了 ( 雖然其實沒有嘴巴 )
「你是誰？」
「我 ... 我是我阿」
「你知道你剛剛幹了什麼好事嗎？看看你的手機！」
「阿阿阿阿阿！怎麼 ... 黃色小珠珠一直從手機冒出來 ...」
( 那時我已經嚇得全身冒冷汗了 )
「這下子你想要怎麼辦呢？」
「你這個混蛋！你是超級蠕蟲！你 ... 你 ... ㄍㄢ ...」
我當場頭暈目眩，然後倒在床上
我回復知覺時，我聽到有人按電鈴
我很想去開門
可是我動彈不得阿
然後我就驚醒了
時間為 4:45 am
我又做噩夢了 > <
地點為某個嘉年華會
那時，我新發明了一種很輕便的飛行器
當然沒人相信我可以飛
我又突然有事要回家
所以我就打算要飛回家
第一次發不動時，被笑得很慘
不過第二次我就在眾人圍觀之下飛走了
飛到一座山上時
我停了下來
那山上一塊岩石下好像有東西
我下去看時
好像就是一堆荒廢幾年的電子廢棄物
我拿了幾個盒子還有幾條線
想說回家再研究看看
結果
就當我要走時
我看到了一堆綠色碎片
拿起來一看
天阿 !
那可是一堆「迷你核子發電器」的廢料 !
絕對是我那個沒有公德心的自然老師幹得好事
我決定趕快拍照留紀錄
我在拍的時候，赫然發現了一堆變形螞蟻
怎麼變形呢
就是說，一般螞蟻的身體有三節
可是，變形螞蟻有四節 !
而且，看到那像是四個珠珠串起來了動物爬來爬去
嚇死我了
我拍完照後就飛回家了
我從二樓陽台進入我的房間
當我剛剛放下我的東西時
我轉頭一看
AAAAAHHHHHHH 是一條很大條的黃色的蛇 !
ㄟ其實不是
那不是蛇
那是
很大條的
一串黃色的球的
動物 !
就是像那個變形螞蟻一樣
不過大 100 倍
頭會身上來
而且是差不多有 10 節身體
牠沒有眼睛
可是我瞬間覺得牠好像在瞪我
這是要拍照起來的阿 !
我一慌就找不到相機了
所以就用手機拍了一下
閃光燈閃一下後
那「動物」就開口說話了 ( 雖然其實沒有嘴巴 )
「你是誰？」
「我 ... 我是我阿」
「你知道你剛剛幹了什麼好事嗎？看看你的手機！」
「阿阿阿阿阿！怎麼 ... 黃色小珠珠一直從手機冒出來 ...」
( 那時我已經嚇得全身冒冷汗了 )
「這下子你想要怎麼辦呢？」
「你這個混蛋！你是超級蠕蟲！你 ... 你 ... ㄍㄢ ...」
我當場頭暈目眩，然後倒在床上
我回復知覺時，我聽到有人按電鈴
我很想去開門
可是我動彈不得阿
然後我就驚醒了
時間為 4:45 am
我又做噩夢了 > <
Sunday, August 30, 2009
夢
話說兩年後
第三次世界大戰展開
在 Vancouver 已經有很多人撤離了
我，因為某種原因還是留著的
我的新學校 St. George 因此跟我的舊學校 SMUS 合併
我也就回來 Victoria 和我以前的一群朋友相處
我們合起來叫做 The den group
偶然的我想到一個 idea
我們 10 個人一起組成了考察團
去了附近的一個無人島勘查
這麼 wild 的 idea 最後竟然通過 !
因此我們到達了島
那個島有點像迷你台灣
所以我們在「八通關」還有「能高山」設置了高山觀測站
然後在頭城、石梯坪、台東市設置平地觀測站
以兩人一組行動
早上 6:30 去觀測站做事
中午吃午餐後開會報告，然後幫忙煮水、撿柴、做生活必須工作
晚上就玩一玩開心一下
如果太陽能板充電充滿的話，就可以用電腦
這樣的生活，其實沒多久就結束了
因為
才沒幾天
有一天早上
八通關觀測站的我
看到了一架飛機過來了
那時我還不知道西雅圖已經淪陷
那架飛機噴灑了像是農藥或落葉劑的東西
起了超強又刺鼻的煙霧
我一慌
趕快拿著包包下山
只記得煙霧追來的恐懼
在與台東觀測站會合後
就馬上沿著沙灘往「花蓮市」，也就是緊急集合地跑
那裡遇到了一輛多功能運輸車 ( 也是船 )
就馬上問問可不可以載我們一起逃生
最後一個人上車後
我們就回學校了
因為懷疑白色氣體可能有參雜生化武器
所以當場隔離
不過發現無礙後
我們就回來報告了
然後我就醒了
第三次世界大戰展開
在 Vancouver 已經有很多人撤離了
我，因為某種原因還是留著的
我的新學校 St. George 因此跟我的舊學校 SMUS 合併
我也就回來 Victoria 和我以前的一群朋友相處
我們合起來叫做 The den group
偶然的我想到一個 idea
我們 10 個人一起組成了考察團
去了附近的一個無人島勘查
這麼 wild 的 idea 最後竟然通過 !
因此我們到達了島
那個島有點像迷你台灣
所以我們在「八通關」還有「能高山」設置了高山觀測站
然後在頭城、石梯坪、台東市設置平地觀測站
以兩人一組行動
早上 6:30 去觀測站做事
中午吃午餐後開會報告，然後幫忙煮水、撿柴、做生活必須工作
晚上就玩一玩開心一下
如果太陽能板充電充滿的話，就可以用電腦
這樣的生活，其實沒多久就結束了
因為
才沒幾天
有一天早上
八通關觀測站的我
看到了一架飛機過來了
那時我還不知道西雅圖已經淪陷
那架飛機噴灑了像是農藥或落葉劑的東西
起了超強又刺鼻的煙霧
我一慌
趕快拿著包包下山
只記得煙霧追來的恐懼
在與台東觀測站會合後
就馬上沿著沙灘往「花蓮市」，也就是緊急集合地跑
那裡遇到了一輛多功能運輸車 ( 也是船 )
就馬上問問可不可以載我們一起逃生
最後一個人上車後
我們就回學校了
因為懷疑白色氣體可能有參雜生化武器
所以當場隔離
不過發現無礙後
我們就回來報告了
然後我就醒了
Friday, August 28, 2009
善良、成長
「當你知道後，你就已經走上了不歸路。」
「是嗎？難到沒辦法了嗎？真的嗎？
我不相信！
我相信，這個世界是美好的。
我決定，我要笑嘻嘻的活下去。
這是我的決定；是任何人都無法阻止的！」
I protested defiantly, to the day of apocalypse.
--------------------------------------------------
決定，還有意志力，這是非常奇妙的東西
個人是真得有決定的權利嗎？還是這根本是假像？
Free will ? Self-consciousness ? All an illusion ?
總覺得世界是無法改變的
命運是已經 set in stone 了
因為
不知道為什麼
自己好像都是 80% 被環境控制
可是
如果自己無法有足夠的意志力來決定事情
那麼活著還有什麼意義？
所謂的「生命意義」就是要能發揮功能
生命是只有使用權的
如果無法運用使用權來改變世界
那麼就是無意義的
------------------------------------------------
其實，我是很怕的
因為我太容易受環境的影響了
去 SMUS 讀兩年
怎麼會
被他們同化了
回來慈濟才發現
離開菩薩道太遠了
很想找回那善良的心
很想回到那種純真的心
而不是在成長時，被染黑了
------------------------------------------
我決定，我要成為善良的人
我決定，我要成為快樂的人
我決定，我要走慈濟路
我決定，我還是不變的我
即使世界改變，我還是我，我還是會 be my self
「是嗎？難到沒辦法了嗎？真的嗎？
我不相信！
我相信，這個世界是美好的。
我決定，我要笑嘻嘻的活下去。
這是我的決定；是任何人都無法阻止的！」
I protested defiantly, to the day of apocalypse.
--------------------------------------------------
決定，還有意志力，這是非常奇妙的東西
個人是真得有決定的權利嗎？還是這根本是假像？
Free will ? Self-consciousness ? All an illusion ?
總覺得世界是無法改變的
命運是已經 set in stone 了
因為
不知道為什麼
自己好像都是 80% 被環境控制
可是
如果自己無法有足夠的意志力來決定事情
那麼活著還有什麼意義？
所謂的「生命意義」就是要能發揮功能
生命是只有使用權的
如果無法運用使用權來改變世界
那麼就是無意義的
------------------------------------------------
其實，我是很怕的
因為我太容易受環境的影響了
去 SMUS 讀兩年
怎麼會
被他們同化了
回來慈濟才發現
離開菩薩道太遠了
很想找回那善良的心
很想回到那種純真的心
而不是在成長時，被染黑了
------------------------------------------
我決定，我要成為善良的人
我決定，我要成為快樂的人
我決定，我要走慈濟路
我決定，我還是不變的我
即使世界改變，我還是我，我還是會 be my self
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
RE: Genesis
"If you die, you just die, everything disappears"
"but what would you see? What would you experience?"
"It doesn't matter. The reason that people believe in God is that
they refuse to believe that when they die, everything just ends"
"but..."
--------------------------------------------------------
First and foremost, I would like to ask myself, and ask YOU to ask YOURSELF:
Who am I?
Why am I here? Why am I controlling this body?
You see, if one dies and is gone from this world, there is no reason to believe in morals. There is in fact no reason to live at all. The world is just a dream; it would not affect you in anyway. You just die, die, die, and there is nothing else.
Isn't the above assumption incomplete? It is absent of the reasons behind life. Why live in the first place when you can die? Why work when you can choose not to work? Why do this when you can choose not to? No, there needs to be some reasoning behind life.
Let's start with the most basic mental requirement - happiness. People want to be happy. There are almost infinite ways of stimulating happiness, which can be split into categories - from inside, from outside, and interaction.
There are tons of outside stimulation - watching TV, play games, listen to music, or the borderline ones - drug, smoke, prostitution, gambling, etc. These are usually short and not the happiness you want to base on.
There are also complete inside - by thinking and deciding to be happy - this is difficult, but the most crucial part of a human being to be generally well-being. By assuming an optimistic view of the world and of oneself, one can have the courage and the strength to stand tall and be fairly happy even when bad events happen.
Last and also very important - the happiness gained from interaction. Humans long to interact with others. Friends and family are especially important for this reason. Work is also important for this reason. By interacting socially, one can free oneself of emotional burden, and can also be more happy as to be "part of" something. By working, one can occupy time and also feel good when completing difficult tasks and hard work.
Generally if carefully analyzed, to be happy and free of worry/depression, one should maintain physical, mental, and social well-being as well as having a purpose for life. When you are physically well, you can do things. When you are mentally well, you have made yourself happy by training your mind. When you are socially well, it means that you can achieve happiness through interactions. All this brings it to my next point.
How can you have a good purpose in life if you believe that nothing you do matters? How can you see the world optimistically if you believe you are just waiting to die? How can you have the incentive to work, to play, to live, if you think there is no purpose to them? There MUST be a purpose and a reason behind life for one to NOT believe in the depressed view.
Thus, one should believe in God. One should act according to moral values. By believing in a God, one should also act according to the common ground of all religions - love thy neighbor. By believing in a religion, there is something good to work for; there is something to go for to make yourself satisfied and happy and smile when you die.
Do something to the world today.
Contribute to the world,
because you are here, living, at this moment, being yourself.
There is a reason behind everything.
Everything is a chance for you to reach further out and push yourself.
"but what would you see? What would you experience?"
"It doesn't matter. The reason that people believe in God is that
they refuse to believe that when they die, everything just ends"
"but..."
--------------------------------------------------------
First and foremost, I would like to ask myself, and ask YOU to ask YOURSELF:
Who am I?
Why am I here? Why am I controlling this body?
You see, if one dies and is gone from this world, there is no reason to believe in morals. There is in fact no reason to live at all. The world is just a dream; it would not affect you in anyway. You just die, die, die, and there is nothing else.
Isn't the above assumption incomplete? It is absent of the reasons behind life. Why live in the first place when you can die? Why work when you can choose not to work? Why do this when you can choose not to? No, there needs to be some reasoning behind life.
Let's start with the most basic mental requirement - happiness. People want to be happy. There are almost infinite ways of stimulating happiness, which can be split into categories - from inside, from outside, and interaction.
There are tons of outside stimulation - watching TV, play games, listen to music, or the borderline ones - drug, smoke, prostitution, gambling, etc. These are usually short and not the happiness you want to base on.
There are also complete inside - by thinking and deciding to be happy - this is difficult, but the most crucial part of a human being to be generally well-being. By assuming an optimistic view of the world and of oneself, one can have the courage and the strength to stand tall and be fairly happy even when bad events happen.
Last and also very important - the happiness gained from interaction. Humans long to interact with others. Friends and family are especially important for this reason. Work is also important for this reason. By interacting socially, one can free oneself of emotional burden, and can also be more happy as to be "part of" something. By working, one can occupy time and also feel good when completing difficult tasks and hard work.
Generally if carefully analyzed, to be happy and free of worry/depression, one should maintain physical, mental, and social well-being as well as having a purpose for life. When you are physically well, you can do things. When you are mentally well, you have made yourself happy by training your mind. When you are socially well, it means that you can achieve happiness through interactions. All this brings it to my next point.
How can you have a good purpose in life if you believe that nothing you do matters? How can you see the world optimistically if you believe you are just waiting to die? How can you have the incentive to work, to play, to live, if you think there is no purpose to them? There MUST be a purpose and a reason behind life for one to NOT believe in the depressed view.
Thus, one should believe in God. One should act according to moral values. By believing in a God, one should also act according to the common ground of all religions - love thy neighbor. By believing in a religion, there is something good to work for; there is something to go for to make yourself satisfied and happy and smile when you die.
Do something to the world today.
Contribute to the world,
because you are here, living, at this moment, being yourself.
There is a reason behind everything.
Everything is a chance for you to reach further out and push yourself.
Friday, August 21, 2009
曾幾何時...
在家裡突然對一堆東西引起注意
這是什麼呢？
問了才知道是花蓮搬回來的
原來，過了四年了都毫無更動
這也是我家的特色吧
可是又看到了這個
名片 ? 咦 ? 有阿官火鍋 - 四年沒去了耶，好懷念
還有五年二班的通訊錄 @@
大部分的同學都不記得了
也當然沒有連絡了
不過... 讓我想起
是慈大實小和政大實小的校際交流
也是台 11 線之旅
( 下面的不知道是哪裡，好像是接近磯崎灣的地方吧 )
印象中有去石梯坪 ( 好像在那裏素烤 - 在慈濟當然不能烤肉 ~ )、
大港口 ( 秀姑巒溪口 )、七星潭、還有參訪靜思堂
不過其他的就不記得了
只記得我總是
拿相機拿手冊
認真「工作」
( 我會瞇瞇眼、看起來沒精神是因為那時太陽真得很大 )
( 咦 ? 這張照片怎麼都是女生 ? )
( ... )
想當時，我還那麼小，那麼孩子氣，那麼無知
其實還有好多好多故事和回憶
呵呵
下次心血來潮再繼續打
這是什麼呢？
問了才知道是花蓮搬回來的
原來，過了四年了都毫無更動
這也是我家的特色吧
可是又看到了這個
名片 ? 咦 ? 有阿官火鍋 - 四年沒去了耶，好懷念
還有五年二班的通訊錄 @@
大部分的同學都不記得了
也當然沒有連絡了
不過... 讓我想起
是慈大實小和政大實小的校際交流
也是台 11 線之旅
( 下面的不知道是哪裡，好像是接近磯崎灣的地方吧 )
印象中有去石梯坪 ( 好像在那裏素烤 - 在慈濟當然不能烤肉 ~ )、
大港口 ( 秀姑巒溪口 )、七星潭、還有參訪靜思堂
不過其他的就不記得了
只記得我總是
拿相機拿手冊
認真「工作」
( 我會瞇瞇眼、看起來沒精神是因為那時太陽真得很大 )
( 咦 ? 這張照片怎麼都是女生 ? )
( ... )
想當時，我還那麼小，那麼孩子氣，那麼無知
其實還有好多好多故事和回憶
呵呵
下次心血來潮再繼續打
Friday, August 14, 2009
再吵阿 ! 再吵阿 !
「我已經三十歲了，結果還是什麼都不行，什麼都要你管。
連洗衣服、煮飯、穿衣服都要照規則，不能自己來。
什麼洗衣機洗到一半要按暫停，然後換髒一點的衣服洗。
然後要脫水的時候要打開把全部的衣服一起脫。
還有什麼規定我不準下廚，
還有 ...
( 抱怨 10 分鐘後 )
我不知道為什麼我會變成這樣，
我很想去 take a vacation, you know
...... 」
「哇尬哩共，哇郎攏破病了，
哩都賣擱吵，害哇暗息困沒去，
本來調適和妳呀顧，那也擱安哪。
擱底那念，擱念阿 !
哇哪溪不在，看你要怎樣"
......
( 然後就肚子痛 )」
( 接下來繼續吵 ...)
看了真是無言
只能在旁邊笑翻天
妳們母女難到不覺得
這樣吵很好笑嗎?
這真是短暫的
發瘋阿
唉
--------------------------------------------------
說真的我的脾氣也要控制
雖然我這次避開了強烈颱風
而且心平氣和的調停他們
( 也要謝謝舅媽 )
只是
有時總沒辦法控制
最重要的是
我想轉變我媽的觀念
只是都無能為力她那種
根深柢固的變異觀念
唉
I am fortunate to choose ignorance instead of exacerbating the situation. However, in light of this opportune moment, I should devise a plan to better improve the situation, as time is not on my side now, as it used to be.
The key is to (a) change mom's views (b) control my own emotions (c) bring dad back together (d) spend more time with mom.
The modus operandi shall be decided and stuck to immediately.
連洗衣服、煮飯、穿衣服都要照規則，不能自己來。
什麼洗衣機洗到一半要按暫停，然後換髒一點的衣服洗。
然後要脫水的時候要打開把全部的衣服一起脫。
還有什麼規定我不準下廚，
還有 ...
( 抱怨 10 分鐘後 )
我不知道為什麼我會變成這樣，
我很想去 take a vacation, you know
...... 」
「哇尬哩共，哇郎攏破病了，
哩都賣擱吵，害哇暗息困沒去，
本來調適和妳呀顧，那也擱安哪。
擱底那念，擱念阿 !
哇哪溪不在，看你要怎樣"
......
( 然後就肚子痛 )」
( 接下來繼續吵 ...)
看了真是無言
只能在旁邊笑翻天
妳們母女難到不覺得
這樣吵很好笑嗎?
這真是短暫的
發瘋阿
唉
--------------------------------------------------
說真的我的脾氣也要控制
雖然我這次避開了強烈颱風
而且心平氣和的調停他們
( 也要謝謝舅媽 )
只是
有時總沒辦法控制
最重要的是
我想轉變我媽的觀念
只是都無能為力她那種
根深柢固的變異觀念
唉
I am fortunate to choose ignorance instead of exacerbating the situation. However, in light of this opportune moment, I should devise a plan to better improve the situation, as time is not on my side now, as it used to be.
The key is to (a) change mom's views (b) control my own emotions (c) bring dad back together (d) spend more time with mom.
The modus operandi shall be decided and stuck to immediately.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Bon Voyage!
BON VOYAGE! 眩しい光を目指して
僕らのキラメキは沈まない太陽
行こう ひとかけらの勇気 広げて
未来へのシッポ ちょっと見えたよ
最初はみんなバラバラに描いていた地平線
.....
--------------------------------------------------------
腦中一直不停的轉，不停的播放著這一首歌。
Bon Voyage - 為什麼要祝我旅途愉快 ?
我又聽到一個聲音
又一直叫我 " 一定要活下去 "
我又沒有想死的念頭。
為什麼 ?
唉
又想到了
又要回加拿大了
還要去新學校
一無不知的
有點沒安全感
唉
我不該抱怨的
我還是開朗的
只是一想到事情
腦袋就轉個不停
睡也睡不著
這是哪門子的心情 ?
僕らのキラメキは沈まない太陽
行こう ひとかけらの勇気 広げて
未来へのシッポ ちょっと見えたよ
最初はみんなバラバラに描いていた地平線
.....
--------------------------------------------------------
腦中一直不停的轉，不停的播放著這一首歌。
Bon Voyage - 為什麼要祝我旅途愉快 ?
我又聽到一個聲音
又一直叫我 " 一定要活下去 "
我又沒有想死的念頭。
為什麼 ?
唉
又想到了
又要回加拿大了
還要去新學校
一無不知的
有點沒安全感
唉
我不該抱怨的
我還是開朗的
只是一想到事情
腦袋就轉個不停
睡也睡不著
這是哪門子的心情 ?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
科技
一直以來都以為我總是跟上了科技的腳步
知道最新最快的東西
畢竟整天在看這方面的新聞
可是才發現，這個根本是太廣了
GTX 295+ 出了那麼久既然也一無所知 ( 還以為 9800 是最好的 )
Core i7 也是被蒙在谷底
DDR3 RAM 也開始慢慢的普及 ...
網頁的
還有什麼 HTML5/CSS3/ECMAscript2
一直以來都以為只是紙上談兵 ( 沒有流覽器支援 )
現在有了 IE8, FF3.5, Safari 4, Chrome 2
好像原本遙不可及的理念已經開始慢慢實現了
Flash CS3, CS4 支援的 AS3.0 也是玩玩就放棄了
沒想到已經廣泛利用 ( 例如 youtube )
曾經看著 Firefox 3.0 從 beta 到 RC 到 Release 的我
現在連 3.5 也好一陣子都不知道已經出了 ( 目前還在用 3.0 )
Chrome 也是，
之前才看到剛出，現在已經是 2.0 了
寫程式的
Visual Studio 2008 出了那麼久了
我還在用 2003
Java 也沒在用，不知又有什麼新的
Windows 7 要出了，
我連 Vista 用的都不算久
能有什麼是比較穩定的嗎 ?
知道最新最快的東西
畢竟整天在看這方面的新聞
可是才發現，這個根本是太廣了
GTX 295+ 出了那麼久既然也一無所知 ( 還以為 9800 是最好的 )
Core i7 也是被蒙在谷底
DDR3 RAM 也開始慢慢的普及 ...
網頁的
還有什麼 HTML5/CSS3/ECMAscript2
一直以來都以為只是紙上談兵 ( 沒有流覽器支援 )
現在有了 IE8, FF3.5, Safari 4, Chrome 2
好像原本遙不可及的理念已經開始慢慢實現了
Flash CS3, CS4 支援的 AS3.0 也是玩玩就放棄了
沒想到已經廣泛利用 ( 例如 youtube )
曾經看著 Firefox 3.0 從 beta 到 RC 到 Release 的我
現在連 3.5 也好一陣子都不知道已經出了 ( 目前還在用 3.0 )
Chrome 也是，
之前才看到剛出，現在已經是 2.0 了
寫程式的
Visual Studio 2008 出了那麼久了
我還在用 2003
Java 也沒在用，不知又有什麼新的
Windows 7 要出了，
我連 Vista 用的都不算久
能有什麼是比較穩定的嗎 ?
Monday, August 10, 2009
莫拉克
" 阿 ! 那個金帥飯店要倒了 ! "
" 好耶好耶，大家一起來倒數 "
" 五、四、三、二、一 "
" 哇 ~ 帥喔 "
殊不知他們阻礙道路，讓救災耽誤了...
-------------------------------------------------------
剛剛看了新聞心裡有不少感受。
各地方變成水都，土石流竄，有點嚇人。
連大愛台的新聞主播都講到哭了。
雖然從小就看慣那種畫面，
只是，
以前都有點幸災樂禍，
看到橋斷的那一刻很開心，
看到災民哭的場景會忍不住的笑。
現在總覺得很慚愧；
不知道為什麼我會禁不住那種幸災樂禍的笑。
是事情永遠不會發生在我身上的觀念嗎 ?
還是天真的以為我能夠堅強去當第一者面對而不會哭?
很多事情都是碰到了才發覺自己多麼地無能。
真希望以後可以以更成熟的角度來面對事情。
只是，我也擔心我會不會就這樣變得太嚴肅 ?
畢竟生活是要快樂的而不是嚴肅的...
現在覺得好希望能當志工去協助救災，
畢竟身在慈濟家庭卻無能為力 ...
那麼多人動員了，
我們卻還在家裡無所事事，
整天吵雞毛小事
( 也沒有吵太久啦，只是意見不合就禁不住大小聲一兩句 )
( 脾氣真的要控制 )
唉 ...
" 好耶好耶，大家一起來倒數 "
" 五、四、三、二、一 "
" 哇 ~ 帥喔 "
殊不知他們阻礙道路，讓救災耽誤了...
-------------------------------------------------------
剛剛看了新聞心裡有不少感受。
各地方變成水都，土石流竄，有點嚇人。
連大愛台的新聞主播都講到哭了。
雖然從小就看慣那種畫面，
只是，
以前都有點幸災樂禍，
看到橋斷的那一刻很開心，
看到災民哭的場景會忍不住的笑。
現在總覺得很慚愧；
不知道為什麼我會禁不住那種幸災樂禍的笑。
是事情永遠不會發生在我身上的觀念嗎 ?
還是天真的以為我能夠堅強去當第一者面對而不會哭?
很多事情都是碰到了才發覺自己多麼地無能。
真希望以後可以以更成熟的角度來面對事情。
只是，我也擔心我會不會就這樣變得太嚴肅 ?
畢竟生活是要快樂的而不是嚴肅的...
現在覺得好希望能當志工去協助救災，
畢竟身在慈濟家庭卻無能為力 ...
那麼多人動員了，
我們卻還在家裡無所事事，
整天吵雞毛小事
( 也沒有吵太久啦，只是意見不合就禁不住大小聲一兩句 )
( 脾氣真的要控制 )
唉 ...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
快健 2009
07/14 回精舍的那天 ...
德悅師父：聽說你電腦很強 ? 台灣素食營養學會的網站是你做的 ?
我 ：還好吧，網站確實是我做的。
師父：像你這種人才一定要來營隊幫忙。
我 ：我 ? 營隊 ?
師父：就是快樂健康營阿，看你要參加幾梯，我先去問一下暘師父。
我 ：...
十分鐘後
師父：我已經拜託暘師父幫你插隊進去了，這可是難得的機會喔
師父：所以答應我在這裡學習之後要去廈門或是回加拿大帶營隊喔
我 ：讓我想想好了
師父：什麼想想，我看今天就不要回台北了，留下來好了
我 ：我還是回去拿行李和問媽媽一下吧
師父：好，要快去快回喔，最好明天就來 !
我 ：...
----------------------------------------------------------------
這是第一次。好久沒有參與慈濟的團體了。
我總是覺得有那種奇妙的感覺 - 是每個人表現出來的向心力和意志力嗎?
來快健有那種不同的快樂 - 讓人好想一直留在那裏 ...
以前都是孤立奮戰，都沒有人能真的 push 我。
在快健...
我來快健是值得了。
好想念那裏的人喔
希望以後可以繼續回來精進 ( 雖然有這個想法是很恐怖的 ... )
also hope to write more.
德悅師父：聽說你電腦很強 ? 台灣素食營養學會的網站是你做的 ?
我 ：還好吧，網站確實是我做的。
師父：像你這種人才一定要來營隊幫忙。
我 ：我 ? 營隊 ?
師父：就是快樂健康營阿，看你要參加幾梯，我先去問一下暘師父。
我 ：...
十分鐘後
師父：我已經拜託暘師父幫你插隊進去了，這可是難得的機會喔
師父：所以答應我在這裡學習之後要去廈門或是回加拿大帶營隊喔
我 ：讓我想想好了
師父：什麼想想，我看今天就不要回台北了，留下來好了
我 ：我還是回去拿行李和問媽媽一下吧
師父：好，要快去快回喔，最好明天就來 !
我 ：...
----------------------------------------------------------------
這是第一次。好久沒有參與慈濟的團體了。
我總是覺得有那種奇妙的感覺 - 是每個人表現出來的向心力和意志力嗎?
來快健有那種不同的快樂 - 讓人好想一直留在那裏 ...
以前都是孤立奮戰，都沒有人能真的 push 我。
在快健...
我來快健是值得了。
好想念那裏的人喔
希望以後可以繼續回來精進 ( 雖然有這個想法是很恐怖的 ... )
also hope to write more.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Terminus
"Sire, we must change the modus operandi"
"But..."
"But but but ... but what? The truth is not your enemy!"
"..."
"Listen, It Has To Be Done. Ok?"
And then there was a flash of white light...
It was too late.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I am sorry to betray you all.
I am sorry to leave.
I feel guilty.
Because, I dug my own graveyard in a sense.
Nothing more can be said.
However, I shall hope for reunion.
After one year of absence
I shall attempt to resurrect and reunite.
Let us not terminate communication.
This is not the last call... yet.
"But..."
"But but but ... but what? The truth is not your enemy!"
"..."
"Listen, It Has To Be Done. Ok?"
And then there was a flash of white light...
It was too late.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I am sorry to betray you all.
I am sorry to leave.
I feel guilty.
Because, I dug my own graveyard in a sense.
Nothing more can be said.
However, I shall hope for reunion.
After one year of absence
I shall attempt to resurrect and reunite.
Let us not terminate communication.
This is not the last call... yet.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
What more do you want
"I want money. I want girls. I want friends." - A person in boarding (whose name I would rather not reveal)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you want? What more do you want? Stick with the status quo! (ironically reminding me of the movie Highschool Musical) Look at what you have, not what you want, or the world is not enough! Constantly living in a depressed mood is not good. Why? When you are the person that can make yourself happy, full of energy, positive, everything you could possibly want.
Just remember, 船到橋頭自然直. Don't worry about anything. Be happy!
Just one last note: you gotta let out what's wrong with you, you know. If you can't rationalize things yourself like I do myself, then you should let others help. Sometimes the most difficult tensions in your brain can be solved by a 3rd person in a blink. This is because your brain is unable to broaden thoughts due to the confined perception.
I have a lot of problems, but I rationalize them myselves to get rid of the tensions before I solve the problems for long term. I create a will to solve them. I create a positive environment, and when I need help rationalization, I ask my family, which is 100% transparent.
You can ask me. I'm always there for you. I do not want to see you suffer. I want everyone to be happy and well-lived, just as I consider I am.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you want? What more do you want? Stick with the status quo! (ironically reminding me of the movie Highschool Musical) Look at what you have, not what you want, or the world is not enough! Constantly living in a depressed mood is not good. Why? When you are the person that can make yourself happy, full of energy, positive, everything you could possibly want.
Just remember, 船到橋頭自然直. Don't worry about anything. Be happy!
Just one last note: you gotta let out what's wrong with you, you know. If you can't rationalize things yourself like I do myself, then you should let others help. Sometimes the most difficult tensions in your brain can be solved by a 3rd person in a blink. This is because your brain is unable to broaden thoughts due to the confined perception.
I have a lot of problems, but I rationalize them myselves to get rid of the tensions before I solve the problems for long term. I create a will to solve them. I create a positive environment, and when I need help rationalization, I ask my family, which is 100% transparent.
You can ask me. I'm always there for you. I do not want to see you suffer. I want everyone to be happy and well-lived, just as I consider I am.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Finale
"No matter what happens, I will stand tall. I will look at the world in the face and live life to the fullest extent, because nothing matters anymore. Everything is composed of blobs of energy"
---------------------------------------------------------------
Face it, I'm leaving. This event is life. Sometimes, the things you do, "it just has to be done." It's not bad to end the wonderful chapter of life in SMUS on a graceful period.
This is the time that you must venture into unknown waters, carrying the burden of family responsibility, as others have not quailed for once, to stand tall and face them. And you will remember, everything; everything you've done. You can be more. You will stand tall, and look at the world in the face. You write your own history, and it is the only way to live a happy life, for you will see what accomplishments you've made, and not regret what you did not do. I know you can.
Expand your territory. Conquer from your fortress, through confidence and rationality, and let not one single slip discourage you. Life is wonderful. Being alive and happy is itself justified for everything, and I repeat, EVERYTHING you do, EVERYTHING you will do, and EVERYTHING you can possibly do.
Live far and wide. Think universal, and be happy thereafter. For everything you have is enough to take you through the FINALE.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Face it, I'm leaving. This event is life. Sometimes, the things you do, "it just has to be done." It's not bad to end the wonderful chapter of life in SMUS on a graceful period.
This is the time that you must venture into unknown waters, carrying the burden of family responsibility, as others have not quailed for once, to stand tall and face them. And you will remember, everything; everything you've done. You can be more. You will stand tall, and look at the world in the face. You write your own history, and it is the only way to live a happy life, for you will see what accomplishments you've made, and not regret what you did not do. I know you can.
Expand your territory. Conquer from your fortress, through confidence and rationality, and let not one single slip discourage you. Life is wonderful. Being alive and happy is itself justified for everything, and I repeat, EVERYTHING you do, EVERYTHING you will do, and EVERYTHING you can possibly do.
Live far and wide. Think universal, and be happy thereafter. For everything you have is enough to take you through the FINALE.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Quandary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Jason, this is not Gr 8 anymore. You can't just sit there, read your books, and everything is going to be alright. You can do more. They (pointing to upstairs) are watching us - for one of us to step up. Yes, one of us. Not them, them, or them (pointing at our friendly neighbors). We can help each other."
- Frank (my roommate)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My roommate has claimed to attempt to "help me" in, say, school life and how I'm viewed socially. I also appreciated him and many others for pointing out my personality flaws and such. However, right now I'm torn in a dilemma between who I naturally am and who I'm supposed to be. Obviously stalling is easy, but it won't get you anywhere. The sooner I choose a path, the sooner I will reach my destiny, assuming it's a correct path.
For many months I've been criticized on being:
- Generally socially inept
Why?
- Lacking confidence and prolonged response when confronted w/ questions
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between joke and bully)
- EQ problems (angered easily)
- Not playing on any sports team
- Otaku (far from it actually)
- Book-worm (in fact I actually read very little book, but...)
- A follower, rather than a leader
- The person that punches first in an argument/joke/provocation
- Swears too much (as in 24/7)
- and the list goes on...
AND as part of the project to help me, I am supposed to overcome these problems over time. Why do they try to do this? They claimed they do this because they like me as a friend. I would like to believe it, but to this date I'm not sure if it is perfectly entirely 100% true. Their argument was that: if they don't like me, they will ignore me like the two Americans. The argument is sound. On the level, I clearly rest above them, how much? I am uncertain.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps I can reach a compromise, IF I can analyze carefully and not letting my emotions
cloud my judgment. I need to be as objective as possible.
Let's examine some of the points:
- Lacking confidence and prolonged imprecise response when confronted with certain questions
To a certain degree I can spew out a yes or no to that type of question easily. But what if the question is, say, "Who do you think is hot in Gr 9?" My response typically would be, "I have no real opinion." since I do not analyze girls. However, then, I would be bombarded with statements such as "either you are gay or you MUST have an opinion. If you don't have an opinion, then you like (insert name of some ugly girl her)?" My emotional panic sends me into an awkward state in which I speak in futility in response. I need thought to respond clearly and in reflection to my true position on a subject. However, the longer I take to think, the more people pick on me, and the more I get nervous, and I get into a vicious cycle that breaks off in a wave of frustration.
One of the underlying cause of this symptom is that through my short experience in life, I have been worried about the perception of me in people's eyes. It's not really "who I am" and "what I do" anymore. I'm really, thinking deeply, being shaped by the people around me, but that is another issue that will be discussed later. Anyways, I am worried that if I answer wrong, I would be ridiculed right into my face and wear the imaginary coat of shame throughout the day, and beyond, if I happen to experience through "a series of unfortunate events."
The irony is then, since I am worried about what people think if I answer wrong, by instinct, I would naturally spew out the "universal uncertainty answer" in which I give a neutral position that does not answer the question at all. As a slow learner socially, after all those months, I still haven't deployed the fact that the universal neutral position will inadvertently cause similar questions to be asked again and again because it is supposedly fun to ask me because I refuse to give a definite answer and then picking on me is also fun. This vicious cycle continues on.
Since this may be after all just an experience through high school and after the three years, will be totally gone as everybody matures, perhaps I can bare with it for a few more years? OR I could correct this fundamental problem once and for all by identifying and solving the underlying problems.
Thus, let's examine what the fundamental problems are: (a) I worry too much about my face, and (b) I have difficulty deciding when a neutral position shall be given and when a definitive opinion shall be given.
Perhaps, those problems will come back to hit me in life if I do not resolve them now, and that is the ultimate decision I have to make in regards to the original symptom.
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between a joke and an abuse)
Puppies A, B, and C play with each other. A bits, B, who bites back, and C bites both. Then they take a bigger bite. Oops it's starting to hurt. C has 2 choices, bites back equally hard, or exit the heated debate. It will depend on C's emotional management. Exiting the debate would be the better choice, but only comes with a good, calm mind.
It has been extremely easy and fun to pick on me because I have the inability to fight back. I have been known to get irritated quickly when, say, my frustration when playing a game is fueled by intentional picking.
People love picking on me, and they will do it no matter what. I don't do it. I don't appreciate it. It's childish and immature. I had wish that they would stop - for a long time already - like 9 years, and I'm finally just learning that changing my own behavior is much easier than attempting to police others'.
However, the real question comes to HOW to stop people from doing this, and quick too. To do this would require emotional training. The trick is to remain calm and unmoved. Like many cases, your mood should remain calm and rational no matter what situation you are in. Appear sturdy and unprovoked is the key - and do not respond to the people that is attempting to provoke you - they want attention.
At least that's what comes out of my mind right now.
Let's see if they actually work - time into clinical trials (jk).
"Jason, this is not Gr 8 anymore. You can't just sit there, read your books, and everything is going to be alright. You can do more. They (pointing to upstairs) are watching us - for one of us to step up. Yes, one of us. Not them, them, or them (pointing at our friendly neighbors). We can help each other."
- Frank (my roommate)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My roommate has claimed to attempt to "help me" in, say, school life and how I'm viewed socially. I also appreciated him and many others for pointing out my personality flaws and such. However, right now I'm torn in a dilemma between who I naturally am and who I'm supposed to be. Obviously stalling is easy, but it won't get you anywhere. The sooner I choose a path, the sooner I will reach my destiny, assuming it's a correct path.
For many months I've been criticized on being:
- Generally socially inept
Why?
- Lacking confidence and prolonged response when confronted w/ questions
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between joke and bully)
- EQ problems (angered easily)
- Not playing on any sports team
- Otaku (far from it actually)
- Book-worm (in fact I actually read very little book, but...)
- A follower, rather than a leader
- The person that punches first in an argument/joke/provocation
- Swears too much (as in 24/7)
- and the list goes on...
AND as part of the project to help me, I am supposed to overcome these problems over time. Why do they try to do this? They claimed they do this because they like me as a friend. I would like to believe it, but to this date I'm not sure if it is perfectly entirely 100% true. Their argument was that: if they don't like me, they will ignore me like the two Americans. The argument is sound. On the level, I clearly rest above them, how much? I am uncertain.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps I can reach a compromise, IF I can analyze carefully and not letting my emotions
cloud my judgment. I need to be as objective as possible.
Let's examine some of the points:
- Lacking confidence and prolonged imprecise response when confronted with certain questions
To a certain degree I can spew out a yes or no to that type of question easily. But what if the question is, say, "Who do you think is hot in Gr 9?" My response typically would be, "I have no real opinion." since I do not analyze girls. However, then, I would be bombarded with statements such as "either you are gay or you MUST have an opinion. If you don't have an opinion, then you like (insert name of some ugly girl her)?" My emotional panic sends me into an awkward state in which I speak in futility in response. I need thought to respond clearly and in reflection to my true position on a subject. However, the longer I take to think, the more people pick on me, and the more I get nervous, and I get into a vicious cycle that breaks off in a wave of frustration.
One of the underlying cause of this symptom is that through my short experience in life, I have been worried about the perception of me in people's eyes. It's not really "who I am" and "what I do" anymore. I'm really, thinking deeply, being shaped by the people around me, but that is another issue that will be discussed later. Anyways, I am worried that if I answer wrong, I would be ridiculed right into my face and wear the imaginary coat of shame throughout the day, and beyond, if I happen to experience through "a series of unfortunate events."
The irony is then, since I am worried about what people think if I answer wrong, by instinct, I would naturally spew out the "universal uncertainty answer" in which I give a neutral position that does not answer the question at all. As a slow learner socially, after all those months, I still haven't deployed the fact that the universal neutral position will inadvertently cause similar questions to be asked again and again because it is supposedly fun to ask me because I refuse to give a definite answer and then picking on me is also fun. This vicious cycle continues on.
Since this may be after all just an experience through high school and after the three years, will be totally gone as everybody matures, perhaps I can bare with it for a few more years? OR I could correct this fundamental problem once and for all by identifying and solving the underlying problems.
Thus, let's examine what the fundamental problems are: (a) I worry too much about my face, and (b) I have difficulty deciding when a neutral position shall be given and when a definitive opinion shall be given.
Perhaps, those problems will come back to hit me in life if I do not resolve them now, and that is the ultimate decision I have to make in regards to the original symptom.
- Can't take jokes (now there's a fine line between a joke and an abuse)
Puppies A, B, and C play with each other. A bits, B, who bites back, and C bites both. Then they take a bigger bite. Oops it's starting to hurt. C has 2 choices, bites back equally hard, or exit the heated debate. It will depend on C's emotional management. Exiting the debate would be the better choice, but only comes with a good, calm mind.
It has been extremely easy and fun to pick on me because I have the inability to fight back. I have been known to get irritated quickly when, say, my frustration when playing a game is fueled by intentional picking.
People love picking on me, and they will do it no matter what. I don't do it. I don't appreciate it. It's childish and immature. I had wish that they would stop - for a long time already - like 9 years, and I'm finally just learning that changing my own behavior is much easier than attempting to police others'.
However, the real question comes to HOW to stop people from doing this, and quick too. To do this would require emotional training. The trick is to remain calm and unmoved. Like many cases, your mood should remain calm and rational no matter what situation you are in. Appear sturdy and unprovoked is the key - and do not respond to the people that is attempting to provoke you - they want attention.
At least that's what comes out of my mind right now.
Let's see if they actually work - time into clinical trials (jk).
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Quanta
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Energy cannot be created or destroyed. Energy manifests into different forms.
Energy is matter, matter is energy.
Energy governs the world.
Energy is ... God??
- The Secret
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Welcome to the world of quantum mechanics.
Law 1: The position and momentum of a particle cannot be measured with arbitrary accuracy.
In the macroscopic world, we could see where, say, a car is by looking (bouncing a light wave off) at it, or we could use radar. To determine the momentum, just measure position twice in 1 second, and we could calculate the momentum.
Not so in the quantum world.
Since a particle is point-like and extremely small, interaction - say using a photon to probe/interact with it, changes it instantaneously. We could use a photon to interact with it in order to determine its position, but the photon will give energy to the, say, electron, that will change its momentum. We could have the electron leave a path in a particle detector, which will show its momentum, but we could not determine its position at any specific time.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. Energy manifests into different forms.
Energy is matter, matter is energy.
Energy governs the world.
Energy is ... God??
- The Secret
------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to the world of quantum mechanics.
Law 1: The position and momentum of a particle cannot be measured with arbitrary accuracy.
In the macroscopic world, we could see where, say, a car is by looking (bouncing a light wave off) at it, or we could use radar. To determine the momentum, just measure position twice in 1 second, and we could calculate the momentum.
Not so in the quantum world.
Since a particle is point-like and extremely small, interaction - say using a photon to probe/interact with it, changes it instantaneously. We could use a photon to interact with it in order to determine its position, but the photon will give energy to the, say, electron, that will change its momentum. We could have the electron leave a path in a particle detector, which will show its momentum, but we could not determine its position at any specific time.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Genesis
At a glance.
"Humans are terrestrial creatures created in the incredibly pleasurable process sexual reproductive process in which the sperm and the egg join to morph into a zygote that will then..."
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For the heck of it. Here is my perception of life.
Each and one of us are electrically wired through neurons, analytical to a computer. There exists a powerful master program, in which through experience in life, collects information and observation, piece them together, and provide the basis for body actions. This is named the "soul."
For far too often, inexplicable phenomenons dictate an object not defined by current standards of science. There is a missing gap.
Who am I?
One would answer "I am _(insert name here)_."
That, however, would not have answered the question at all. At a colloquial level, the question "who are you" denotes an inquiry regarding the name of the subject and any information related, such as the occupation, social status, knowledge, experience, and personality. That would be the ways in society in which humans are identified. Although personality would be a tad more profound than other superfluous features such as facial characteristics, personality does not define a person, nor does the knowledge and the experience that that person has acquired.
We are not defined by our DNA either. We *could* be, however, identified by it. The definition of a particular human goes a little deeper. We are largely influenced by the environment around us. After all, our brain analyzes the world around us, bit by bit, over time. We figured out how to speak, how to control our body, how to think, how to do everything we do. There is another equally influential element - that is our soul. Born in exactly equal environments, because of different souls, two person can be completely different.
For example, how is it that some people indulge in certain activities while others react indifferently. That could range from an innocuous child ripping a piece of paper apart, to people sleeping around with various girls (potentially practicing polygamy), to the enjoyment of stabbing someone in the heart. All these lustful thinking. Why Why? What's the mechanism for all this?
"Humans are terrestrial creatures created in the incredibly pleasurable process sexual reproductive process in which the sperm and the egg join to morph into a zygote that will then..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the heck of it. Here is my perception of life.
Each and one of us are electrically wired through neurons, analytical to a computer. There exists a powerful master program, in which through experience in life, collects information and observation, piece them together, and provide the basis for body actions. This is named the "soul."
For far too often, inexplicable phenomenons dictate an object not defined by current standards of science. There is a missing gap.
Who am I?
One would answer "I am _(insert name here)_."
That, however, would not have answered the question at all. At a colloquial level, the question "who are you" denotes an inquiry regarding the name of the subject and any information related, such as the occupation, social status, knowledge, experience, and personality. That would be the ways in society in which humans are identified. Although personality would be a tad more profound than other superfluous features such as facial characteristics, personality does not define a person, nor does the knowledge and the experience that that person has acquired.
We are not defined by our DNA either. We *could* be, however, identified by it. The definition of a particular human goes a little deeper. We are largely influenced by the environment around us. After all, our brain analyzes the world around us, bit by bit, over time. We figured out how to speak, how to control our body, how to think, how to do everything we do. There is another equally influential element - that is our soul. Born in exactly equal environments, because of different souls, two person can be completely different.
For example, how is it that some people indulge in certain activities while others react indifferently. That could range from an innocuous child ripping a piece of paper apart, to people sleeping around with various girls (potentially practicing polygamy), to the enjoyment of stabbing someone in the heart. All these lustful thinking. Why Why? What's the mechanism for all this?
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